WHY I CONTINUE TO SPEAK OUT AGAINST CHILD ABUSE AND PROMOTE CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION AWARENESS This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. This pic is my school pic from 9th grade. It was the next summer at age 13 when my mom beat me with the rolling pen in the kitchen, cracking my skull and beating my back, neck, shoulders, ribs until she had no energy left to continue the beating. When she finished beating me, I got up off the kitchen floor and was heading to safety in the living room and my mom spun me around, called me a "fucking slut" and spit in face. I looked at her, I was dizzy, disoriented, could not see, ears buzzing, blood from my cracked skull running down my neck, and I did not know who I was looking at. This could not be my mother I thought to myself. "She must be the devil, or my enemy, but this woman could not possibly be the mother I love" was rolling around in my mind. She shoved me out the door and slammed the front door behind me. I went to my friends house and her parents stepped in. I asked not to be removed from my home. My parents had never thrown any of my 6 siblings out for any reason. Even though they were drug users, thieves, Rob had raped me for a year, my brother Howard had a knife to my sisters throat and threatened to kill her, and my parents never threw them out of the house. My mom had been throwing me out of the house since I was 10 years old and I wanted her to take care of me, to stop hurting me, to love me, to do the right thing by me. This is why it was so important for me to remain in my home. I detailed this beating and a lot more information in my book "A Life of Death: The Redemption". The results from this beating with the rolling pen and having a heavy solid kitchen table shoved into my ribs caused damage to my body and skull, as well as all of the previous beatings and future beatings I would receive. I had a bad car wreck at age 18, in which they had to do full body x-rays checking for broken bones and internal damage to my body. At this time, the specialists revealed to me that the x-rays had shown multiple fractures to my skull in different places, neck damage, cracked and fractured ribs, separated ribs, as well as the hip injury, fractured coccyx and CSA, child sexual abuse. They advised that the damage to my body had been done years before, as these were the old fractures revealed by the x-rays. They asked me if I had been abused at that time. I was over 18 years old and it was up to me to press charges. I was in shock at the time and did nothing about it, as well as I did not care if I lived or died at this time. The same thing happened to me when I went to see the gynaecologist at age 21 in which I had filled out the forms saying I was a "virgin" and had never had sexual intercourse before with anyone. They explained the damage to my body, the scar tissue, and advised that I would probably never be able to become pregnant, or even carry a child, even with reconstructive surgery. I explained that the person who had done that to me was my brother who had raped me from 8 to 9 years old when he was 21 and that he had committed suicide the year before when I was 20 years old. WHY I CONTINUE TO SPEAK OUT AGAINST CHILD ABUSE AND PROMOTE CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION AWARENESS WHY I CONTINUE TO SPEAK OUT AGAINST CHILD ABUSE AND PROMOTE CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION AWARENESS This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. This pic was taken when I was 12 years old. This year my brother Rob, who had abused me sexually at age 8 to 9 years old, attempted suicide by slicing his arms up his veins. He called my mom to tell her he was committing suicide. My mom put me on the phone with him while she went across the street to use the neighbours phone to call for help as my brother was in Canada. My brother who was 25 at this time, began to tell me how much he enjoyed using my body sexually as a child. He began describing just how much he enjoyed "F'ing" me and how sensual and soft my skin was against his. I was in shock as I held the phone, I began to shake and my heart was pounding because I knew he was talking about what he had done to me when I was 8 years old. I remembered the sexual assaults, the violent raping of my body as I was tied up, gagged and tape put over my mouth for frontal assaults to prevent me from biting him. No tape was used for other assaults. My brother was saved that time and my mom brought him home to stay with us while his arms healed up from the suicide attempt. I was afraid that he would rape me again and he threatened to rape me if I did not stay away from him. This abuse caused me a life time of hell and pain as well as the abuse my mom was inflicting on me and my dad. My dad began to beat me across the face with his belt buckle at this time. He would shove me against a wall and force his knuckles into my ribs which would automatically cause me to use my hands to try and get his knuckles out of my ribs which caused me extreme pain. He would whip off his belt and pull it back and beat me across the face with the belt buckle end of the belt. I began to curse at him and tell him I hated him to his face which would then give him an excuse to throw me to the ground and beat my back and legs with the belt. At this point, I did not care anymore and wanted to die. Back on La Veta next door to the house we used to ownThis video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. This school photo is from 7th grade, I was 11 years old. That year my mom had been abusing me severely, burning me in the oven as well as beating me in the front yard of Hell House in the summer time with a belt. She had pushed me down into a cactus patch in the front yard and beat the back of my legs until they were bloody. The belt was whipping up dirt and dust and many people saw the beating and did nothing to stop it. I sat in the bathtub after that beating, and pulled the cactus needles and thorns out of my hands, arms, knees and legs. I had been made to endure horrific beatings from my mother mainly, but my dad was also very abusive toward me. This was the last year we lived at Hell House. We lived there for 5 1/2 years and the abuse I suffered there, ALL OF IT, scarred me for life, physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and I really felt that I was dead, I was a walking shell and it was from this time forward that I would hate life and plan to end my life on a regular basis until the age of 42 years old. Hell HouseWHY I CONTINUE TO SPEAK OUT AGAINST CHILD ABUSE AND PROMOTE CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION AWARENESS This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. Life for me was a continuation of hell. My mom was still abusing me every chance she got, beating me with belts, her fists, or any heavy objects within her reach. When I was 9 years old my mom had to have major surgery due to strangulated hernias. We had to go to the hospital to say good-bye to her just in case she did not make it. The doctors gave her a 50% chance of surviving the surgery. My mom did live and came home to recuperate. One night, during the middle of the night, I woke up as I could hear my mom getting upset at my dad. He was in her room and she was telling him to leave the room. I thought my dad was going to rape my mom just after she had surgery so I grabbed my big, pink jumbo plastic baseball bat and went in behind him in the room. I yelled at him to leave mom alone and smacked him in the back of his head as hard as I could. My dad proceeded to slap me, back hand me, and threw me across the room into the wall. My neck and back hit first, and then my head and I slumped to the floor nearly knocked out. I could not see clearly, just stars and was disoriented. My dad then began to curse me and kick me. My brother Howard came and got me out of the room away from my dad. My mom did not care that I tried to protect her, and continued to abuse me after she recovered. In the photo below I just turned 11 years old. My mom had beaten my face severely in October, 2 1/2 months before this pic was taken. She broke my nose, busted my lips, and left huge, raised welts on my cheeks. The beating she gave me rearranged my face and took a long time to heal. The family that took me to see Santa Claus had to beg my mom to let me go. She told them I was a "rotten bitch" and that I "did not deserve to go see Santa Claus". They finally convinced her to let me go with them to take a picture with Santa at the mall. This video is part of the Born in Hell Video series regarding the abuse I suffered as a child at the hands of my parents and a sibling. This video details the CSA, Child Sexual Abuse and Incest I was forced to endure at 8 years old. This video is EXPLICIT and GRAPHIC and I advise that you watch at your own discretion. The topics of child abuse and child sexual abuse can make people very uncomfortable and can trigger survivors of abuse. Please make the right decision for yourself. I am 7 years old in this photo. My birthday is late in the year so I would be turning 8 before the new year. This is the last year I would be a virgin as my brother began to sexually abuse me that winter. I suffered repeated child rape, sodomy and sexual abuse for nearly one year from January 1974 until October that year. My mom knew about the incest, because I had developed a bad infection as a result of the damage done and I began to get sick. After the third sexual assault rape I told my mom and she did nothing to help me except to say that it was "my problem" and not "her problem" and for me to "wrap myself up like a mummy at night with my blankets". That was her answer. She turned a blind eye, and a blind ear to the sexual assaults my brother inflicted on me. I sat in bathtubs of rose coloured bloody water, holding my legs, rocking back and forth in so much pain from the rape and sodomy. I was afraid I would die, and then after so many more rapes and assaults on my body, I was hoping I would die. The damage done to my body was irreparable even if I had decided as an adult to have reconstructive surgery. I was made barren by my brother who was 21 years old at the time of the CSA, he was about 6'5" tall and weighed around 200 lbs. The damage to my mind and heart and spirit and soul left me wanting to die. My mom was abusing me severely at this time, beating me with heavy objects and cracked my head open with the wooden handle of a meat mallet and then beat me in the kitchen. I realised at this time that my mom was truly trying to hurt me and that I was just a punching bag for her. I was made to take it, deal with it, be okay with it. If I cried I was beaten again until I stopped crying. If I said anything I was beaten again for "opening my G'damn mouth". My mom called me a whore because my brother raped me and my brother called me "his whore" while raping me. I began to shut down at this point in my life and began to hate my self, my family and life itself. WHY I CONTINUE TO SPEAK OUT AGAINST CHILD ABUSE AND PROMOTE CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION AWARENESS |
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I want to thank everyone for tuning in and supporting my work through the years! As always I continue to place a warning on my shows dealing with Child Abuse Prevention and Adult Survivor Issues, please LISTEN AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION! IF YOU ARE UNDER AGE AND OR SENSITIVE TO THE TOPIC AND ISSUES SURROUNDING CHILD ABUSE OF ANY TYPE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ASSAULT, SEXUAL EXPLOITATION AND ANY RELATED TOPICS TO VIOLENCE, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN CHOICES. MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR YOURSELF. THANK YOU! Human rights advocate, child rights advocate! Promoter of human rights for men, women, and children. I am not a professional counselor or a professional legal adviser and I have no professional certificates in these fields. This is not a professional show. The information and resources on these shows is from the web, and the accuracy is only as accurate as the originator's material was. Please make the right decision for yourself and listen at your own discretion. Minors and under age children must have parental/adult consent to listen to my shows in order that they stay protected at all times. Please have an adult listen to the material first so they can help you with the decision as to whether you should be listening to my shows or not depending on age appropriateness. Child Safety and Protection is my first priority. Thank you! |