My Books
In October 2022 I revised my books on my Lulu site. I retired the hard copy books and revised the 3 books as Ebooks and PDF downloads. The profits have always gone to Not For Profits that work to stop and prevent child abuse. The profits will always continue to be donated. If you would like to read my books I am placing them here as free downloads. My books are explicit and are not for young children. One Child Abuse Survivor 2 Another: The Journey is not for anyone under the age of 18 years old. That book has an explicit warning on it and it is about the CSA child sexual abuse-incest I suffered as a child. The material is adult oriented and sexually graphic.
If you choose to download any of my books, you are acknowledging that you are in fact at least 18 years of age and that you are in fact an adult. The responsibility is yours, make the right choice for yourself.
A Life of Death: The Redemption-A True Story of Growing Up Abused
La Veta Juvies
One Child Abuse Survivor 2 Another: The Journey
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15 Minute Challenge
I ask everyone who cares about the issues of child abuse, and the protection of children to take the 15 minute challenge.
Whether you set a timer for 15 minutes, or just watch the clock, I ask you to take 15 minutes .. to think about how much we can do in 15 minutes, or how little, but what each 15 minutes looks like to a child who is being beaten, burned, sexually abused, raped, and sodomized.
15 minutes is not a lot of time to most people. Waiting for the coffee to perk, going out to pick up the newspaper, waiting in traffic during rush hour, waiting in a grocery store line up, brushing your teeth and catching some of the late night news before bed time.
But 15 minutes to a child who is being abused in any way can have tragic and fatal consequences.
15 minutes of a child being sexually abused, raped, and sodomized will change their lives forever.
While the perpetrators of the abuse, the child sexual predators, the paedophiles, the family members, and other members of our society get their 15 minutes of gratification, the child is impacted with physical problems, emotional problems and psychological problems .. for life.
15 minutes to a child who is being abused in any way is a life sentence.
15 minutes is how long it took for my abuser to bind and gag me, rape and sodomize me, sexually abuse me.
And while this person got their 15 minutes of sexual gratification, I got a life sentence of pain in every way. All it took was 15 minutes to turn an 8 year old girl into a sex toy for my abuser.
Children cannot wait 15 minutes for someone to protect them, for someone to care, for something to be done.
Please take 15 minutes every now and then, and put yourself in an abused child's body and mind and remember why so many of us are fighting so hard to save them.
Thanks for all you do to help stop child abuse and save children's lives.
Laurie Ann Smith
Whether you set a timer for 15 minutes, or just watch the clock, I ask you to take 15 minutes .. to think about how much we can do in 15 minutes, or how little, but what each 15 minutes looks like to a child who is being beaten, burned, sexually abused, raped, and sodomized.
15 minutes is not a lot of time to most people. Waiting for the coffee to perk, going out to pick up the newspaper, waiting in traffic during rush hour, waiting in a grocery store line up, brushing your teeth and catching some of the late night news before bed time.
But 15 minutes to a child who is being abused in any way can have tragic and fatal consequences.
15 minutes of a child being sexually abused, raped, and sodomized will change their lives forever.
While the perpetrators of the abuse, the child sexual predators, the paedophiles, the family members, and other members of our society get their 15 minutes of gratification, the child is impacted with physical problems, emotional problems and psychological problems .. for life.
15 minutes to a child who is being abused in any way is a life sentence.
15 minutes is how long it took for my abuser to bind and gag me, rape and sodomize me, sexually abuse me.
And while this person got their 15 minutes of sexual gratification, I got a life sentence of pain in every way. All it took was 15 minutes to turn an 8 year old girl into a sex toy for my abuser.
Children cannot wait 15 minutes for someone to protect them, for someone to care, for something to be done.
Please take 15 minutes every now and then, and put yourself in an abused child's body and mind and remember why so many of us are fighting so hard to save them.
Thanks for all you do to help stop child abuse and save children's lives.
Laurie Ann Smith
Asking For It
"I HATE YOU!!!" "I HATE YOU!!!" "YOU ROTTEN CUNT!!!", the words rolled around in my head, I winced as I remembered the reason why my face was stinging. I had nearly been knocked unconscious and opened my eyes to see my mom's feet walking across the kitchen. I could hear the sound of dishes being thrown into the sink, CRASH! BANG! My mother was opening the kitchen cabinet doors and slamming them with all her might. I winced, I was still lying on the kitchen floor on my side and did not want her to think about me, "maybe she will forget about me" my inner voice was crying in my head. "maybe she won't come over here and kick me or beat me some more" I was fighting back the tears because I knew if she saw me crying it would give her a really good reason to continue her rage and tyrannical abuse on me and my poor body. She continued her rant, screaming at the top of her lungs "I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!! I NEVER WANTED THIS GOD DAMN LIFE!! YOU CAN ALL GO TO HELL AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU STUPID ROTTEN NO GOOD PIECES OF SHIT!!!". She was in one of her bad moods again, violent, raging, screeching moods that could happen at any time, day or night. I was hoping I would not have to lay there much longer. I dared not move as I was afraid that she would see me down on the floor on the other side of the table and remind herself that she still had plenty to be mad at me for and decide that I had not had a good enough beating. My mother turned around to face me, looking at me with such hatred in her eyes, such absolute hatred and rage all mixed together with years of mental anguish and torment showing on her face and said to me harshly, "GET THAT LOOK OFF YOUR FACE RIGHT NOW!!" I knew what she was going to do to me, she had always done this to me, beat me, hurt me, practically kill me and then tell me to put a smile on my face. I found it hard to change the look of fear and complete confusion on my face. I was in pain, I was trembling and wincing and flinching with my back against the kitchen wall. I sat up and tried to put a smile on my face. My mind was racing, "mommy, why do you hurt me like this? I love you mommy" all rolling around in my brain. I used to tell her these things but the beatings and verbal assaults continued. I could not understand why she would treat me this way and hurt me so bad; so bad that it made me submissive to her power, her all mighty reign over me. Instead of becoming defiant, I knew I had to be submissive or she would kill me. "GOD DAMN YOU!! DO YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER THERE AND TAKE YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF!! " "I WILL DO IT! BY GOD IT'S MY RIGHT!! I BORE YOU!! YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT RAPE CHILD!! THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!! A RAPE CHILD!! I NEVER WANTED YOU ANY WAY YOU GOD DAMN INGRATE!!" I could see her feet starting to quickly move around the table and she towered over me. "No mommy!! Don't!! No" …I was as far back against the wall as I could get, my body conforming to it, I had my legs curled up to my body. She was going to kill me this time. She did exactly what I knew she would, grabbed a belt that was hanging on a nail with 3 other belts on the kitchen wall, pulled it up and around her wrist and hand and with her other hand grabbed my arm and yanked me forward onto my stomach. "Pleaaaaaaaaassseeee mommy!! Pleaaaaaaaaaaaassseeee!! Don't hit me..I'm sorry!!" I begged her, I pleaded with her, I had no idea what mercy was, but I was begging her for mercy. She was not listening, and was intent on hurting me that day. Intent on making me pay!! Someone had to PAY!! The belt whipped through the air down onto my back and the back of my legs. She gave me a good whipping, cursing me all the while, sputtering and spitting as she went. I took my beating as usual, like a good sport. No tears would fall, no screams would escape my throat. I was 5 years old had been trained since birth to take what I had coming to me, and to take it with silence and a stone face. It is after all, what I deserved. I was a bad kid. I needed to be whipped. I needed to be slapped. I needed to be "taught" a lesson. I was always asking for it, I was told. I never once remember asking for a beating, but that is what they told me, so it must have been true.
Through the years my mother continued the beatings, the tyrannical rants, the abuse and always threw in that "you were asking for it", even after I confronted her about not stopping my brother from sexually abusing me at 8 years old, she just snarled and said, "you were just asking for it". I never asked for any of the abuse my family dished out on me, however, I did ask for love, for care, for compassion, for concern, for pity, for mercy, for love, which I never received. I guess a person doesn't always get what they ask for.
Through the years my mother continued the beatings, the tyrannical rants, the abuse and always threw in that "you were asking for it", even after I confronted her about not stopping my brother from sexually abusing me at 8 years old, she just snarled and said, "you were just asking for it". I never asked for any of the abuse my family dished out on me, however, I did ask for love, for care, for compassion, for concern, for pity, for mercy, for love, which I never received. I guess a person doesn't always get what they ask for.