This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. I discuss in this video that after my car wreck I focused on working, paying my bills off, getting a used car because I had wrecked my Chevy Nova at age 18. During these two years I worked 2 and then 3 jobs, while on crutches. In order to do this, I had to use massive amounts of speed to stay awake. I only slept about two to three hours a night because I was working a day job, a graveyard job, and a weekend job. I was still partying with my friends and still living at home with my abuser parents. My friend Di moved in with her new boyfriend who was abused as a child and had severe anger issues. He was a serious drug user, shooting up speed balls and we began to do massive amounts of drugs that he supplied. They did not get along and fought all the time and my friend Di's boyfriend became physically abusive toward her, beating on her. My friend Di was tough, grew up in an abusive home as well and she fought back. She was still getting the worst end of the beatings. I feared for my friends life, but she was determined to stay with him. After a serious drug party went bad, I decided that I had had enough of the abuse and violence as her boyfriend threatened to kill me, slamming me up against a wall, choking me and threatening to kill me. I told him to go ahead and kill me, because he couldn't kill me, I was already dead. I turned 20 and my brother Rob who had sexually abused me committed suicide. He hung himself. He was a cocaine user, but that was not his main problem. His main problem was that he was born to two parents who held him in their hands and told him, "welcome to our hell" at birth. I was not surprised that he killed himself, as he had attempted suicide many times before and he finally made it. My mom was upset because I did not show any emotion after she told me they found his body and it was suicide. I told her that it was their (my mom and dad's) fault that he was dead. They allowed him to do drugs as a young boy, they abused him, they beat him and that it was just a little too late for tears. My mom did not make an issue about me not going to my brother's funeral. I had put all that child sexual abuse in a drawer, and it was still there and I did not care at this time that my brother killed himself. I did not care about him at all. My brother raped me for a year from 8 to 9 years old, tied me up, gagged me, put tape over my mouth, raped me, sodomized me, and used me as his own personal sex toy for a year, ripping my vagina, damaging my uterus, and causing me to have an infection that could have killed me. I bled for months and he continued to rape me, even knowing that I was in so much pain and bleeding, and that my hip was out of place from my dad dragging me by my leg and twisting my hip out of socket when I was 6 years old, he made it even worse. He caused me so much pain and caused me to hate my body, hate being a woman, hate sexuality, and caused me to shut down, no one touches me, no one gets close... ever... I did not care that he killed himself, because he did not care that he killed me. Looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship. I hope this show will help listeners as I share with you a short lesson of my own personal walk with God, looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship materials that have helped me in my healing journey, and the desire He has placed in my heart to share God's Word with others. Looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship. I hope this show will help listeners as I share with you a short lesson of my own personal walk with God, looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship materials that have helped me in my healing journey, and the desire He has placed in my heart to share God's Word with others. This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. I discussed the last half of my 17th year, my mom was still back handing me and actually attacked me at work one afternoon. After she hit me, the ladies in the office stopped her from continuing the beating on any further. Our boss found out and warned my mom that what she had done was inappropriate at the office and I was too old for that kind of treatment, and that my mom should try talking with me instead of hitting me. That was the very last time my mom ever hit me, or ever attempted to hit me or inflict any physical abuse toward me again. The verbal abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse continued on. That never stopped until the day she went into a coma and died. My friends and me were doing massive amounts of drugs and drinking and smoking massive amounts of pot at this time. I was high all the time, that was my way of keeping all the abuse, the physical abuse from my parents, the child sexual abuse, rape, sodomy by my brother Rob, stuffed into a little drawer in which I keep it there so I can cope. The drugs made that so much easier. I was still unwanted, unloved, not being cared for and abused by my parents, it just wasn't physical abuse anymore, it was just as painful and hurt just as bad. I did not care if I did too many drugs and overdosed, and I did not care if I ended up dead in a car wreck and I drove fast and dangerously every where I went. I had a bad car wreck at age 18, in which they had to do full body x-rays checking for broken bones and internal damage to my body. At this time, the specialists revealed to me that the x-rays had shown multiple fractures to my skull in different places, neck damage, damage to my jaws and face, cracked and fractured ribs, separated ribs, as well as the hip injury, fractured coccyx and CSA, child sexual abuse. They advised that the damage to my body had been done years before, as these were the old fractures revealed by the x-rays. They asked me if I had been abused at that time. I was over 18 years old and it was up to me to press charges. The same thing happened to me when I went to see the gynaecologist at age 21 in which I had filled out the forms saying I was a "virgin" and had never had sexual intercourse before with anyone. They explained the damage to my body, the scar tissue, and advised that I would probably never be able to become pregnant, or even carry a child, even with reconstructive surgery. I explained that the person who had done that to me was my brother who had raped me from 8 to 9 years old when he was 21 and that he had committed suicide the year before when I was 20 years old. After the car accident I could not move out with my friend Di, I was broke, had to pay my doc bill, hospital bill, buy a new used car, and was in a cast for one year and crutches for two years. I had one year of physical therapy to go to after the cast came off and had to pay for that too. I was hoping to move away and get free from my pain and my past by the age of 20. During this time I was in our friend Tammy's band and sang back up vocals, which was such a blast. But my friends and I are doing heavy drugs at this time and that took all of our time and interest. We were heavy drug users by the time I was 19 years old. I was never looked after properly and so I did not look after myself. My parents hurt me, so, I hurt myself. Looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship. I hope this show will help listeners as I share with you a short lesson of my own personal walk with God, looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship materials that have helped me in my healing journey, and the desire He has placed in my heart to share God's Word with others. Looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship. I hope this show will help listeners as I share with you a short lesson of my own personal walk with God, looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship materials that have helped me in my healing journey, and the desire He has placed in my heart to share God's Word with others. This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. This photo was taken in October, after a beating my mom gave me in front of my BFF Di. I was 15 years old, 2 months away from my 16th birthday. I was in 12th grade. My BFF Di was 13 years old. My friend watched my mom punch my spine as hard as she could, knocking me down two sets of stairs into my bedroom, and then as I lay on the ground, my mom began to back hand my face, slapping me, punching me, pulling my hair and kicking me all the while screaming at me and calling me names. My friend told my mom that there were laws against child abuse. My mom let me go and turned to my friend telling her to get out of her house. I left the house after my friend, slamming the screen door several times and yelled at my mom, "you wanna beat me? you wanna beat me? you wanna beat me? Go ahead!! I'm sick of it". I slammed the door one more time and said, "you wanna beat me?!! I KNOW YOU DO!!! NO MORE!" and ran to catch up with my friend who had began to walk home to her house. I spent the night on her couch that night and would spend many nights on her couch after that until the age of 19 years old. Looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship. I hope this show will help listeners as I share with you a short lesson of my own personal walk with God, looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship materials that have helped me in my healing journey, and the desire He has placed in my heart to share God's Word with others. Looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship. I hope this show will help listeners as I share with you a short lesson of my own personal walk with God, looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship materials that have helped me in my healing journey, and the desire He has placed in my heart to share God's Word with others. Looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship. I hope this show will help listeners as I share with you a short lesson of my own personal walk with God, looking at Biblical Counselling and Discipleship materials that have helped me in my healing journey, and the desire He has placed in my heart to share God's Word with others. |
All of the shows I did on Blog Talk Radio are in a sequence and topically, I was progressing through issues and material in order. You can look at the lists under the AUDIO BLOG tab to view the progression of each of my audio series of shows if you want to listen to them in order. My "Guest" shows and "My Book Readings" can be viewed by clicking the links below under "Categories".
My Biblical Study Websites
Archives
October 2022
Categories
All
WARNING! DISCLAIMER
I want to thank everyone for tuning in and supporting my work through the years! As always I continue to place a warning on my shows dealing with Child Abuse Prevention and Adult Survivor Issues, please LISTEN AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION! IF YOU ARE UNDER AGE AND OR SENSITIVE TO THE TOPIC AND ISSUES SURROUNDING CHILD ABUSE OF ANY TYPE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ASSAULT, SEXUAL EXPLOITATION AND ANY RELATED TOPICS TO VIOLENCE, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN CHOICES. MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR YOURSELF. THANK YOU! Human rights advocate, child rights advocate! Promoter of human rights for men, women, and children. I am not a professional counselor or a professional legal adviser and I have no professional certificates in these fields. This is not a professional show. The information and resources on these shows is from the web, and the accuracy is only as accurate as the originator's material was. Please make the right decision for yourself and listen at your own discretion. Minors and under age children must have parental/adult consent to listen to my shows in order that they stay protected at all times. Please have an adult listen to the material first so they can help you with the decision as to whether you should be listening to my shows or not depending on age appropriateness. Child Safety and Protection is my first priority. Thank you! |