This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. After realising that I truly loved Cecil and cared about him, I decided to take a chance and call him to see if he was still living at our old apartment in Edmonton, and if he was single or if he was in a relationship. I was so nervous as I picked up the phone to call him, thinking to myself that he might reject me, or have a girlfriend, or just not want to have anything to do with me after I broke up with him. To my surprise he answered the phone. We spoke about my mom's death and he told me that he did not have anyone else in his life except one person, me. He waited for me to call him and had saved all of the things I had left behind when I left him. I told him that I was still grieving my mom's death, but otherwise I had been working in Calgary and things were going okay. I told him about the fact that I could not stop thinking about him since I left him, and that I truly loved him and cared about him. We had a great time talking on the phone and Cecil asked me if he could come and visit with me for a day or a couple of days and we would talk and see if we could start our relationship over. I told him yes, and was so excited about him coming to see me. He arrived and we had a great time together. I told him I loved him, and was sure of my feelings about him. He told me that he loved me from the beginning and realised that I was the one for him shortly after we began to see each other. At this point, Cecil asked me if I thought it would be a good idea, he would go back to Edmonton for a few weeks, and give me time to think about our relationship and that if it was what I wanted, that we should try again, because he loved me. He wanted to give me lots of space and not scare me because I had just left him for a year. running from the relationship. I continued to work at the pub and think about getting back together with him, and decided that we should try again. Cecil began to make preparations in Edmonton to move in with me in Calgary. A few days before he arrived I began to panic and become anxious. I was afraid that I wasn't making the right decisions, and began to worry that at some point he might hurt me, or I might run again. I knew that when he arrived, we needed to sit down and have a serious heart to heart talk. He arrived and after I made him something to eat and he had time to relax, I told him we needed to talk. I explained why I had left him, and that I was sorry for hurting him and blaming him for not being there for me when I lost our baby. I told him everything about my past, the child abuse I suffered at the hands of both of my parents, the child sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of my brother, the dysfunction, the domestic violence between my parents, my own destructive behaviours and drug abuse as a teen, and the fact that I don't know how to receive love or care, and that I do not know how to trust anyone, including myself. I told him everything and explained just how wounded I was, and that I needed someone in my life who could deal with my own dysfunction and who won't abuse me and hurt me further because I could take no more abuse from anyone. I explained that if we were going to be together, then it had to be through the good times and the bad, that we would need to make each other's lives better, and to be there to help each other with everything. I told him that if we were just going to hurt each other, then we needed to call it quits right now. He agreed, and then he had his opportunity to tell me what he felt was important for me to know. He said that I had hurt him by leaving him, because he loved me and that he would never hit me, or abuse me. He was sad because I did not trust him, because he is a trustworthy person. He explained his past and agreed with me that we needed to be there for each other to help each other to the end. He said that he would definitely watch his words around me now that he knew just how wounded I was and how horribly abused I had been growing up. We started our relationship again, and I was so extremely happy to have him back in my life, but now with my own boundaries set, and it was so amazing to be with him again. I never become pregnant again, but for the first time, in my entire lifetime, I got to experience real love.
All of the shows I did on Blog Talk Radio are in a sequence and topically, I was progressing through issues and material in order. You can look at the lists under the AUDIO BLOG tab to view the progression of each of my audio series of shows if you want to listen to them in order. My "Guest" shows and "My Book Readings" can be viewed by clicking the links below under "Categories".
I want to thank everyone for tuning in and supporting my work through the years! As always I continue to place a warning on my shows dealing with Child Abuse Prevention and Adult Survivor Issues, please LISTEN AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION! IF YOU ARE UNDER AGE AND OR SENSITIVE TO THE TOPIC AND ISSUES SURROUNDING CHILD ABUSE OF ANY TYPE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ASSAULT, SEXUAL EXPLOITATION AND ANY RELATED TOPICS TO VIOLENCE, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN CHOICES. MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR YOURSELF. THANK YOU! Human rights advocate, child rights advocate! Promoter of human rights for men, women, and children. I am not a professional counselor or a professional legal adviser and I have no professional certificates in these fields. This is not a professional show. The information and resources on these shows is from the web, and the accuracy is only as accurate as the originator's material was. Please make the right decision for yourself and listen at your own discretion. Minors and under age children must have parental/adult consent to listen to my shows in order that they stay protected at all times. Please have an adult listen to the material first so they can help you with the decision as to whether you should be listening to my shows or not depending on age appropriateness. Child Safety and Protection is my first priority. Thank you!