This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. This is part two, a continuation from Ages 21 to 27. My dream of my "perfect man" was over within a year. I had turned 22 years old, and my relationship with Mark had turned sour. I found out that he had been sexually abused by his dad when he was a child and physically abused as well. He began to abuse me verbally after the first 6 months we were together and he also began to become violent around me, hitting cupboard cabinets in his camper when we were out on weekend trips together. He never hit me, but he wanted to, so instead he punched the cabinet by my head. I had never dealt with my own anger issues and I began cursing him, calling him names, and throwing things around the camper. We decide to call it quits as he felt he was going to hurt me. He drove off, never looking back and my heart was broken. My dream of my "perfect one" was over. I continued to live at home with my abuser parents, and working with my mom until I hit the age of 25. I went to cooking school for one year and then at the age of 26 got a job in the Grand Canyon, Arizona for a one year contract. I went to the Grand Canyon with the idea that I could end it all. I could end the pain. I rarely talked to anyone while working there and had almost committed suicide several times. It was just a matter of stepping on the gas peddle of my car and going over the edge, never to return. Something always stopped me, and so I sat outside after my shifts late at night, on a tiny balcony looking at the stars, and cried, grieved and hated myself, hated my life, hated what my parents did to me, to each other, to my siblings. I hated my body, I hated being a woman, I hated being vulnerable. I hated the abuse I suffered, and the body memories of my brother raping me as a child. My contract came to an end and I went back home to New Mexico to my old abuser's place.
All of the shows I did on Blog Talk Radio are in a sequence and topically, I was progressing through issues and material in order. You can look at the lists under the AUDIO BLOG tab to view the progression of each of my audio series of shows if you want to listen to them in order. My "Guest" shows and "My Book Readings" can be viewed by clicking the links below under "Categories".
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I want to thank everyone for tuning in and supporting my work through the years! As always I continue to place a warning on my shows dealing with Child Abuse Prevention and Adult Survivor Issues, please LISTEN AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION! IF YOU ARE UNDER AGE AND OR SENSITIVE TO THE TOPIC AND ISSUES SURROUNDING CHILD ABUSE OF ANY TYPE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ASSAULT, SEXUAL EXPLOITATION AND ANY RELATED TOPICS TO VIOLENCE, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN CHOICES. MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR YOURSELF. THANK YOU! Human rights advocate, child rights advocate! Promoter of human rights for men, women, and children. I am not a professional counselor or a professional legal adviser and I have no professional certificates in these fields. This is not a professional show. The information and resources on these shows is from the web, and the accuracy is only as accurate as the originator's material was. Please make the right decision for yourself and listen at your own discretion. Minors and under age children must have parental/adult consent to listen to my shows in order that they stay protected at all times. Please have an adult listen to the material first so they can help you with the decision as to whether you should be listening to my shows or not depending on age appropriateness. Child Safety and Protection is my first priority. Thank you!