You are pathetic!
I had you, I bore you!
I fed you, I bathed you!
I gave you life, I can take it away!!
I can kill you, it's my right!
And you will take what I'm giving you!
You better not run!
Get down on your knees at my feet now!
And beg you rotten whore!!
You've been nothing but trouble!
Since the day you were born!
You should have died with the other two
Babies that were born stillborn!!
You're a rape child I never wanted!!
I don't love you, I don't care
What you need, how you feel!
Or whether or not you are here!
I hate you, you disgust me!
You fucking slut!
You're a selfish little bitch!
And you deserve worse beatings
than you get!!
I don't want to hear another word
come out of your God damn mouth!!
Not another word or I'll take your
God damn head off!!
You better be listening to me!!
So help me God or
I'll bust your head and break
every bone in your body!!
If you ever tell anyone
What goes on in this house!
I will kill you, you cunt
Now get the fuck out!!
Copyright 2016 Laurie Ann Smith
I can still hear my mother's voice screaming this rant in my face. The shear disdain and hatred for me was poured out of her heart through her rants and physical torture of my body. These words of my mother always came with each beating she dished out. They also came with each beating that she was threatening. From the time I was cognitive at around age 4, I heard all of this rant on a regular weekly basis and sometimes daily just depending on how my mom's mental and psychological health was at the time.
Quite often I was forced down on my knees at her feet and made to beg for her forgiveness. She would dish this rant out at me and either beat me or tell me to get out of the house.
I recall the beatings and these rants of hers, and remember her shoving me into walls, slapping me, choking me and screaming this rant in my face, her finger nails digging into my arm, or being back-hand to the floor and beaten with a belt or heavy object, as she kicked my side, my ribs, my legs.
I will never forget what my mother left me with, a lot of pain, and a lot of scars. She scarred my body, my mind, my heart, my spirit and my soul. The damage was irreparable.
I have decided to live and have worked incredibly hard to learn how to love myself, to love others, to have love for life, and to try and heal as my way of getting justice over my abuser mom, dad and brother. It is an unfinished work in progress and I still have a long way to go.
My message to all survivors of child abuse, NEVER GIVE UP!! We did not deserve to be abused, and we deserve to be treated with dignity, respect, compassion, care, kindness, love, empathy and we deserve to live a good healthy life. Reach out, and get the help that you need.
Copyright 2016 Laurie Ann Smith-Tornerup
All of the shows I did on Blog Talk Radio are in a sequence and topically, I was progressing through issues and material in order. You can look at the lists under the AUDIO BLOG tab to view the progression of each of my audio series of shows if you want to listen to them in order. My "Guest" shows and "My Book Readings" can be viewed by clicking the links below under "Categories".
My Biblical Study Websites
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